Codswallop
by Peace and Song
Summary: THe sequel to Yo Ho is here at last. This foolish story is funny and i recomend you read it when your bored.
1. Home Again

(From the creators of Yo Ho, Mutants and Pirates, New Beginnings, Queers and Eunichs, Unknown Love, Visitors, Lust or Love, In Your Arms, and many more, comes the brand new never before seen sequel to Yo Ho. After months of pondering I have finally come up with a name for the Sequel...it will be Codswallop, meaning nonsense or foolishness. Warning: this story may be plotless, and if you cannot take a joke, read not this text, savvy?)  
  
Codswallop Ch1 (of 89087897 lol...j/k)  
  
"ANNAMARIA!" Jack shouted into the large mansion, whose walls echoed back. "YOUR HUSBAND'S HOME NOW!" He looked at Lorilie and winked.  
  
A few moments later Anna appeared at the door enraged and unusually sober. "Where the bloody hell have you been, Jack?!" she looked at Jack and then at Lorilie. "Oh my god! Are you daft, Jack? You know that's called rape, right? She's like what, 13?"  
  
"18." Lorilie whispered under her breath.  
  
"Age has nothing to do with it." Jack commented.  
  
"Jack, you're over 40." Anna plainly stated.  
  
"Be we're in love, luv." Jack replied and smiled.  
  
Anna blinked. "I thought you loved me..."  
  
"Actually, luv, I never really SAID I loved you. You just kind of assumed it after we were married...which by the way wasn't legal."  
  
"How could you do this to me?" She yelled, and Lorilie caught a glimpse of a person running from one room to the next.  
  
"Who was that?" Lorilie asked at the arguing couple, and pointed to the figure that just went into the room.  
  
"...Nobody...you silly girl..." Ann gave a nervous laugh. "Why would there be someone in here?"  
  
Lorilie rolled her eyes, and went into the room. Jack and Anna followed. Lorilie raised and eyebrow at the half naked man. He had nothing but a thin sheet wrapped around his waist. He looked rather familiar.  
  
"Norrington?" Jack gasped.  
  
"Norrington." Anna stated plainly.  
  
"Norringwho?" Lorilie was confused.  
  
Norrington stood there trying to compose himself as the three gazed at him in shock. "Well, uh...she forced me..." he pointed to Anna accusingly.  
  
"Shut up, fool." Anna slapped him across the face.  
  
Just then the entire crew entered the room. Will, Jenilia (a.k.a. Farquar see Ch.7 of Yo Ho), Sam, and Adriana.  
  
"Norrington!" Sam exclaimed. "I haven't seen you in years, cousin!"  
  
Everyone gasped.  
  
"What didn't you guys read Ch. 3 of Yo Ho? Think back. Remember the note Elizabeth gave Will? It said, and I quote 'Please do not try to find me because I don't want to be with you anymore, and besides, Commodore Norrington's cousin, Samuel is quite the fine fellow, and we will be getting married soon.' However, we did not due to the circumstances." Sam took a deep breath.  
  
Everyone nodded as if they remembered when the in fact did not, except Jack, whom wrote of the adventures in the first place. "Yes, I recall it as if it were yesterday! We killed her good too. (See Ch.9 of Yo Ho). Quite fascinating really," Jack fondled with his beard. "What we did was we shot her, then we drowned her, then saved her, so we could leave her on an island with naught but a spoon so no one could save her. Brilliant if I do say so my self."  
  
"Enough with the recaps of previous episodes!" Sam exclaimed. "I need to know what's going on in here, cousin." He looked at Norrington who had finally put on some clothes.  
  
"Well I came to the house to tell Ana that my cousin was preparing to marry you Sam, but then Anna seduced me and here I am today." Norrington smiled.  
  
"I don't like you" Ana said plainly. "I don't like you one bit." She took the pistol from her dresser and aimed it at Norrington.  
  
"Hold on there, luv. Don't kill him like that." Jack interrupted.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"It...lacks creativity..." He said noticing that she was really thinking about it.  
  
"I see." She put the gun down and scratched her head.  
  
"Anna Maria! My Love!" A handsome man with tan skin, brown eyes, and dark hair yelled.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" she asked confused.  
  
"I, fair lady, am Patreek." He bowed down low and kissed her hand.  
  
Her tongue moved to the right side of her mouth as she scrunched up her face. "I, good sir, am anything but fair. Who are you?" She was very curious to find out who this man was. He had the most beautiful French accent she had ever heard.  
  
"I am your knight, I have come to rescue you from these ruffians!" He put his hands to his hips and did a superman pose. "I am also your gardener, miss."  
  
"Ah, Patrick. I wondered how those plants stayed alive for so long." While carrying out this conversation, Norrington sneaked out of the room and out of the house. "If I had known you were just outside I would have never bothered with Norringto...?" Anna stopped as she realized he was nowhere to be found.  
  
"Where is Norrington?" someone asked.  
  
"East of Britain, you make a left by the no U-turn sign and-" Adriana was interrupted.  
  
"Be quiet, Adriana." Will said shaking his head slowly.  
  
Adriana just smiled at him.  
  
Anna took Patrick's hand and smiled. "Say something in French you beautiful creature you."  
  
"Oui, mon cher." Patrick said.  
  
Anna made her trademark face, as her tongue slid to the right side of her mouth. "Eeeee" she squealed.  
  
By now everyone was in the living room. Adriana was becoming infatuated with Patrick. Sam noticed, but said nothing.  
  
"O yes, I almost forgot." Anna said. "There's someone here to see you Jack, she's been here for 3 days now. I think she's still asleep."  
  
"Where is she?" Jack asked confused. He couldn't think of anyone who wanted to see him...much less a woman.  
  
Anna pointed to a room across the hall.  
  
The women stayed with Anna and Patrick, while Will, Jack, and Sam walked over to the room. Jack opened the door, and then all three men screamed as they say what was behind it. They ran out of the house yelling.  
  
Their yelling must have awoken the guest because the door open and out walked a battered, wet, and scratched woman with a scowl so fearsome it made 50 cent cry.  
  
"ELIZABETH!!" 


	2. THe Return of Elizabeth

(Blarney Stones! Still no reviews, o well, you guys will catch on sooner or later...or not...at least I enjoy the story. That makes a difference right? Anyway, I have to update my Teen titans story before I get jumped.)  
  
Codswallop  
  
Ch.2: The return of Elizabeth  
  
Adriana's jaw dropped to the ground. "How did you survive that?"  
  
"Don't worry about me. I'm fine."  
  
"I wasn't worrying." Adriana said calmly.  
  
"Shut up, wench. You're the one who killed me in the first place!"  
  
"So."  
  
"Well, it won't be so easy this time! I have my cousins to help me. Amanda also called The Greasy Orange; Jhanille, better known as the Scarlet Pumpkin; last but not least, Stephanie, the Silver Doodad. With our powers combined we will conquer all!"  
  
Lorilie blinked first, then laughed. "Are you guys serious? The Black Widow, the Scarlet Pumpkin, and the Silver Doodad." Lori fell to the ground laughing.  
  
Elizabeth looked meanly at her. "You will pay for this! No one mocks the ladies of the Lime Green Jelly Bean and gets away with it. The next time you see our faces will be the las-"  
  
Elizabeth was interrupted by a loud snorting noise. She turned her head and found Will, Jack, and Sam all laughing at her.  
  
"Shut up! All I ever wanted for you guys was to like me. Why can't I just be with you guys? I only want to fit in."  
  
Everyone stopped laughing and looked at each other. "...No..." Jack said. "How shall we kill her this time?"  
  
"I KNOW, I KNOW!" Hollered Patrick with a hand in the air. "I'll take care of her!" He smiled and looked at Jack pleadingly.  
  
"Alright, alright. Take her, she's yours!"  
  
Patrick approached Elizabeth and raised an eyebrow. "I'll not do it now. Let us rest, then we shall decide what to do with her!" Elizabeth winked at him, and wriggled her nose. Patrick looked at her confused, and walked away.  
  
The rest of the crew tied Elizabeth up in the kitchen with her three retarded cousins and they all fell asleep. In the middle of the cold cold night, Elizabeth awoke, and easily escaped her rope.  
  
She headed to Patrick's room to try to fondle with him after seeing the way he looked at her that same evening. She hoped that Patrick would be awake and alone. As she approached his room her heart stopped. From the room she heard snoring, which was a sign both good and bad.  
  
Good in a sense that if he was sleeping she could just slip into the bed inconspicuously, and that would make it a night neither of them would ever forget. However, it was a bad thing bad because if he were to be awake she would have to find a way to keep him from yelling and asking too many questions, but most of all from killing her.  
  
Slowly she placed her hand on the doorknob and as quietly as possible pushed the door open. Unfortunately, Anna Maria was wide-awake doing god knows what to Patrick who was in fact awake making a peculiar noise. It was the sound of mating antelope in the summer's breeze.  
  
"Dickens, man!" Patrick exclaimed. "What do you think your doing in here, cher?"  
  
Hearing the excitement, Anna removed her head from below the sheets.  
  
"Why are you in here and, and not in the kitchen with your retarded group of cousins? You know what don't answer that," Anna Maria answered remembering that they had tied her up in the kitchen making several knives available to their disposal.  
  
Anna pulled out a rifle from her dress, and Patrick thought now where was she hiding that?   
  
Anna noticed his lifted eyebrows and the smirk on his face, and she thought to herself Patrick, you have a dirty mind... and I like it.   
  
While all of this mental foreplay was going on Elizabeth managed to leave the room. Then at the same time they both yelled "ELIZABETH!" waking everyone in the house.  
  
They all came running after her. While running, Anna wiped something from her lips and Patrick pulled up his pants.  
  
Patrick slipped and fell, then a loud boom echoes through the hallways. Then he says to himself a little bit too loud "No one saw that."  
  
Everyone turned, pointed, and laughed at the embarrassed Frenchman.  
  
"Fools!" someone yelled. "You're letting them get away!"  
  
They ran into the kitchen, but it was too late. There was nothing left but a few knifes and cut up rope. Elizabeth had escapes, and now she had a better reason than before to come after the crew.  
  
"I think she likes you, Patrick." Adriana said while fondling with his dingy.  
  
"Oui?"(That's "yes" in French pronounced "wee")  
  
"Aye. And she'll be back for ya too." Anna added. "But she'll have to come through me first."  
  
"Uh...Anna." Patrick said.  
  
"Huh?" She turned to him.  
  
"Nothing, my sweet, you just have some...uh...white stuff in your hair."  
  
Anna's eye's widened as she made her embarrassed face (which by the way was the same as all of her other expression faces). Her tongue made its way to the right corner of her mouth and she scrunched up her face.  
  
"Do that again, my love." Patrick said.  
  
She did.  
  
He grabbed her hand pulled her back into the room and locked the door (Paris style from Troy). "Now where did we leave off?" Patrick said as he removed his pants once more. 


	3. Meet El Tea Cup

(Well, one review is better than none, right? Lets continue!)  
  
Codswallop  
  
Ch 3  
  
"God's piss!" Elizabeth swore. "Amanda, I'm afraid I have fallen in love."  
  
"With whom, may I ask?"  
  
"That bloody Frenchman, Patrick, as it were." She replied. "He has such an erogenous effect on me. I cannot get his lad out of my mind."  
  
"Are you sure that's safe?" Amanda asked. Stephanie picked her nose, and flicked a booger at Amanda. Amanda caught it and put it into her mouth.  
  
Elizabeth grimaced. "What do you mean is it safe?" Elizabeth turned to walk down the dark alley "I'll find a way to make him mine, savvy?" She had acquired her pirate lingo over the last couple years, and had put it to good use. She turned back to Stephanie, Amanda, and Jhanille. Jhanille was picking and eating lice from Amanda's hair, while Stephanie licked herself.  
  
"I think I may have been a cat in my former life." Stephanie said, and continued licking (see Part 7 of Yo Ho). "That Patrick feller of yours is quite the looker."  
  
"Do not speak of him so! Oh how I do wish harm upon you, Anna Maria!" Elizabeth yelled, then began to choke.  
  
Back in the house, everyone was having breakfast, and talking of Elizabeth.  
  
"Since she likes you, Patrick, we must set a trap for her." Jenni offered.  
  
Patrick frowned. "If only the French were not so sexy." He sighed.  
  
"I agree." Said Will sarcasticly. "We can leave Patrick naked on a bed, then Elizabeth will come to fondle with him, and fall into a trap!"  
  
"Getting Elizabeth isn't the problem." Jack said chewing his food noisily. "The problem is how shall we get rid of her, when she is in our clutches".  
  
There was a knock on the door, then a crash.  
  
"Oh no, not the ca ca force again." Adriana sighed. "How many times must we deal with Elizabeth and her queer kinsmen in one day?"  
  
Everyone got up, and went to the door and found it lying on the floor, and next to the door, was a short woman with medium length black hair. She had two daggers in each of her hands. "Los sientos Ustedes. Sorry." She said as she twirled a set of daggers and put them away, leaving only one in each hand.  
  
"Who in Jones's locker are you?" Jack asked.  
  
"They call me El Teacup, but you can call me El...or Teacup...I'm not picky." She said with a smile and a strong Spanish accent. She was wearing black stockings, black stripper boots, a black tank top, and a bright pink tutu.  
  
Everyone scratched their heads.  
  
"I'm an assassin."  
  
Everyone began to laugh.  
  
"Really, I am. I promise to you." She took a dagger and scratched her head with it. "I am, I can prove it too!"  
  
"How?" someone asked.  
  
"I have an idea!" Came Lorilie's voice from afar. She hustled towards the others. "You, go and find this woman, and bring her back here." She gave El Teacup a portrait of Elizabeth, because they didn't have pictures back then, and El Teacup sniffed the painting.  
  
"Si, I'll about do it." She nodded and did back flips towards the door, but missed and hit the wall. "Ai!" she screamed in pain, and then continued to flip out of the gap left, that used to be the front door.  
  
"What a weenie." Adriana said, and went back to the dining room  
  
A couple hours later, and a few yards away, El Teacup the assassin was picking up on Elizabeth's scent, which was quite nauseating. She sniffed a nearby branch, and a lizard crawled onto her face. She struggled to remove the animal from her hair, and then fell onto the muddy ground, after successfully detaching it from her head.  
  
She looked up and noticed a set of 4 footprints. She followed them, to a clearing in the trees. She hid behind a bush and watched the four girls talk. Half the time she couldn't understand a word they were saying, for it was mostly grunting noises. She could stand it no longer, and jumped out of the bushes. "Avast!"  
  
They all turned to her. The one girl she was looking for approached her, and El Teacup easily evaded her touch. "Who are you?" Elizabeth questioned.  
  
"I am the defender of the Earth, the fog in the sky, the air in the.... air...and in the name of wherever I am, I'll punish you." El Teacup made a funny pose, then did some kind of Xena warrior noise and kicked Elizabeth in the face. Elizabeth fell to the ground with a large bump, and her cousins ran seeing what the stranger did to their strongest cousin.  
  
El Teacup tied Elizabeth's body to her chariot and headed back to Anna Maria's home. She hoped they could help her as much as she helped them. On the way, she contemplated whether or not to tell them who she was.  
  
When she finally reached the home, she entered through where the front door used to be, and then reminded herself to offer to pay for the damage. Dragging Elizabeth's body into the living room, she sighed, and took a seat. The others just watched in awe.  
  
"Who are you again? You look familiar." Adriana said.  
  
El Teacup sighed once again, and decided to try to explain herself to them, although she knew she wouldn't get very far without someone getting confused. "Do you remember Tea?"  
  
Everyone nodded simultaneously.  
  
"I am her older sister." The Teacup said.  
  
"Nuh uh!" Adriana argued. "I am her sister, don't you guys remember? Me, her, and Michelle were Barbosa's daughters, and if you were her sister you would be my sister too, and your not!"  
  
"Teresa and I shared the same mother, but we had different fathers. Therefore I am not related to Barbosa, but I am to Tea, savvy?"  
  
Adriana scratched her head and said, "I don't get it."  
  
El Teacup sighed. "Look, we have different fathers right?"  
  
"Right." Adriana confirmed. "And different mothers too!"  
  
"Yes, well it's the same thing, except Tea and I have the same mother."  
  
"Ohhh...I don't get it."  
  
"Never mind." El Teacup gave up. "Well, anyway, I am here to find my baby sister, will you please dispose of this woman, so I can find her." She pointed to Elizabeth's unconscious body.  
  
"Tea is with Jarell. They ran away together." Sam said. "You won't find them for now."  
  
"Thank you for your hospitality anyway." El Teacup turned and started to walk away.  
  
"Avast!" came a voice from the door.  
  
"Who is that?" El Teacup asked pointing to the man at the door.  
  
"I have no idea." Lorilie said with a shrug.  
  
"I am Jarell's older brother, Lennon." The man said, taking El Teacup's hand and kissing it.  
  
El Teacup squealed.  
  
"How many rooms is in the house again, luv?" Jack asked Anna.  
  
"8." Anna replied slowly.  
  
"Will that be enough?"  
  
"I hope so." She sighed.  
  
"So what brings you here, Lennon?" Adriana asked holding up her hand to the handsome womanizing Jamaican to kiss.  
  
Of course he kissed it, and held both girls hands. "Well, it seems I am in search of my dear brother, Jarell."  
  
"You know what?" Jack said annoyed. "Why don't we just go on a little adventure?"  
  
"That's a great idea!" Lorilie exclaimed. "But first we should sleep, look at the time."  
  
"Now, wait a second." Will said nervously. "Shouldn't we deal with Elizabeth before she gets away again."  
  
They all looked towards where Elizabeth's body was. It was gone! They all moaned.  
"Not again." Someone said.  
  
"Well, like I was saying..." Lorilie said. "Let us get some rest."  
  
"Wait a cotton picking second!" Anna said. "There are 8 rooms, and 10 of us. We're going to have to share some rooms."  
  
After the room sorting was finished. Only 4 out of the 8 rooms were actually being occupied. In the first big room were Adriana, Lennon, and El Teacup. In the second big room were Sam, Patrick, and Anna Maria. The other two small rooms had Jack and Lorilie, and Will and Jenni.  
  
Back at Elizabeth's layer, she hollered at her idiotic apprentices, and scolded them. "You fools! You let her take me!"  
  
"We're so sorry! We won't do it again!" They all replied and winked at each other.  
  
"No time for apologies! We will leave in the morning, and follow our little friends, understand?"  
  
"But, Elizabeth..." Jhanille said matter o factly.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"First of all, there are only four of us, and second we don't have a ship."  
  
"Don't worry, I know how to get one. I'll just pay a little visit to my friends Izzabella, and Tom. They have a ship, and will help us crew it."  
  
"How do you know this?"  
  
"Lets just say, we have the same goals."  
  
"You all like this Patrick guy?"  
  
"NO! We all want revenge, you fool." She backhanded Jhanille, and they both began to laugh evilly. 


	4. Sail Hoisting

(A/N glossary at the bottom, and thoughts are in these thingies [ ]).  
  
Codswallop  
  
Ch 3:Sail hoisting  
  
Room 1:  
  
The king sized bed was occupied by three, Lennon in the middle with Adriana to his right, and El Teacup to his left. Each girl had a hand on his chest, and he inhaled deeply and smiled. He watched them while they were sleeping, and wished they were awake. They could have done a bit of sail hoisting that night, but they were too tired to fondle that night. Lennon sighed and eventually fell back to sleep. Two lovely women had beaten the womanizing Jamaican.  
  
Room 2:  
  
This room was quiet. Everyone was fast asleep. However, the positions that everyone was in were quite...abstract. Anna Maria was in the middle of the bed with Sam to her right, and Patrick to her left. The...abstract...part was that she was on top of Sam with her head on his chest, and her left hand was inside Patrick's pants, seeing as how they were both shirtless and exposed.  
  
Room 3:  
  
There was a lot of action in this room. After a long night of sail hoisting and fondling, Jack and Lorilie still were not through. The handsome pirate was still pleasuring his female, and it didn't look like they would be finished anytime soon. Lorilie too seemed as though she was enjoying herself as well, her mating noises proved this fact.  
  
Room 4:  
  
While Jack and Lorilie were finishing up, Will and Jenni were just getting started. Jenni was on top of Will, with her right leg between his legs, and her left leg was to his right. She felt the stiffening in his nether regions and then smiled at her love. "You know what this means...sail hoisting time." And with that she ran her hands up Will's shirt, and rubbed his chest. Their lips met, just before there was a knock on the door.  
  
Will took a pillow and tried to cover up his erection, as Jenni went to get the door. It was Adriana. She stormed into the room not caring that Will was going to have to unhoist his own sail. "Sam is being a Moby Dick!"  
  
"What has he done?" Jenni asked getting back under the covers with Will. She slid a hand into his pants, and began to fondle around in there. Will's eyes widened, then he smiled laying back in the bed.  
  
"I went to go find him, but Anna Maria was on top of him, and I think they were fondling! And the only person who can hoist Sam's sails would only be me!"  
  
"Yes, but was it not you who didn't want to room with him? You and him were originally paired to room together, but you wanted to go with Lennon. So heartbroken Sam, who didn't want to sleep alone, went to Anna Maria's room remembering that his cousin had been with her once, and Norrington tended to be picky with his women. Anna is a natural man pleaser, it's going to be hard to get Sam back if he is already in her clutches." Jenni finished.  
  
"Well, I don't like this female!" Adriana exclaimed. "And I want Samuel back!"  
  
"Then go and get him before it's too late!" Jenni said, and continued to inconspicuously fondle with William who now had his eyes closed and his head tilted back in pleasure.  
  
"I will!" Adriana exclaimed again while leaving the room. [How did Jenni know all of this? O well.] Adriana went into Anna and Patrick's room, and found it Anna-less. Sam was on the floor snoring with a big smile on his face. [Oh no! What if it's too late?] She hustled to Sam's side, and kneeled down beside him.  
  
His eyes fluttered open. "Angels?" he said then fell back asleep.  
  
Adriana made a sigh of relief, as she found out that he had not been corrupted by Anna Maria's good sex. She dragged him to an empty room, and there they slept happily till morning.  
  
Glossary:  
  
Sail hoisting: (1) to hoist a sail, (2) to commit sexual interaction of any kind.  
  
Moby Dick: a mean person, women mostly call their men this.  
  
Womanizer: Man who sleeps with many women (womanizes).  
  
Man pleaser: Woman who has very good sex, and gets men addicted to it. They can be very dangerous for married man.  
  
Fondle: (1) to play with (2) to give sexual pleasure to. 


	5. THe Otis and the Babushka

(A/N: This is my first, I mean first REAL, love scene between man and woman. It's easier to do man/man I guess cuz I'm not a man, but this one was a toughie. I hope you likey! This would be why its rated R. Adriana wants more, so ill add more ok? I promise!)  
  
Codswallop  
  
Ch 5: On the road...sea...again  
  
The next day, the entire household got ready to leave on Anna's new ship, The Otis Spunkmyer, to set sail for Tortuga. That would be their first stop on the search for Tea and Jarell to reunite them with their long lost family members.  
  
Everyone boarded the ship, and once again had to figure out how to split the four small rooms up between them. Before an argument broke out Anna Maria spoke. "This is my ship, and last night I had a dream about two women who looked like me, but they were not me...anyway, they said their names were Shaquasha and Wagnerina. They then told me to make Jack captain, and not let Sam, Adriana, and Patrick stay in the same room."  
  
"I'm rooming with Sam!" Adriana proclaimed.  
  
Anna nodded in approval. "Okay...but be cautious."  
  
"Clootengutter!" Adriana hollered!  
  
"Philosophus!" Sam exclaimed taking Adriana by the hand and dragging her into a room.  
  
Everyone grew silent for a while, and then someone said, "Where were we?"  
  
"That's right!" Anna said. "I will be rooming with Patrick, seeing as how it's my ship and all." Anna grabbed Patrick by the wonkle, and he began to pant like a dog as they found themselves a room.  
  
The remaining three couples looked at one another. Jack and Will called the "big" room, they immediately left with Lorilie and Jenni, and this left Lennon and El Teacup alone on deck.  
  
"So..." Teresa said trying to make conversation.  
  
"I guess we get the last room for ourselves." Lennon beamed at the assassin. "Shall we go?" He placed one of his hands on one of El Teacups gloved hands, and they walked together to their room.  
  
It was a tad small for them, but it would have to do. Lennon suddenly removed all of his articles of clothing.  
  
El Teacup pretended to cover her eyes but peeked through a hole between her index and middle finger. "What are you doing?" she asked shocked.  
  
"Where I come from, it is mandatory to bless new rooms by means of fondling, savvy?" Lennon lied.  
  
"And where is that?" El Teacup brought her hands down, and looked the man up and down. His skin was brown, and he had muscles in all the right places. He had the most beautiful belly button she had ever seen; she had to try hard to keep herself from licking it.  
  
"Kingston."  
  
"You liar." El Teacup said playfully.  
  
"I lie not!" Lennon said as he slowly approached El Teacup and looked at her.  
  
"What?" she asked staring at the nude man.  
  
"Nothing." He removed her long black gloves, and he placed her hands on his face, and then finally took it upon himself to undress he completely. Their mouths found each other's as they began to kiss roughly, and made their way to the bed without their mouths separating.  
  
El Teacup did not know what to expect. She felt a queer feeling between her legs, and it felt good, and then noticed that there were fingers there. She closed her eyes, and moaned in pleasure. When he stopped, she looked up confused.  
  
"Miss me already?" Lennon asked as he got on top of her getting ready to make his big entrance. El Teacup looked down. It was HUGE! Her eyes widened.  
  
El Teacup then smiled, and then she felt Lennon enter her. It hurt at first, but then she got used to it. Her noises became louder and louder as she felt the ripples of pleasure surge through her body. Soon after, they both reached their climax.  
  
Lennon took El Teacup into his arms, and they lay in the bed peacefully and fell asleep dreaming of one another, but not before El Teacup whispered a silent "I love you into his ear."  
  
In Sam and Adriana's room, there was nothing but mayhem! They were the only couple onboard who had the talent to argue and make love at the same time.  
  
Sam climbed up onto Adriana, and put his mouth on hers. "Why are you always so jealous, Adriana?" Sam's mouth still tasted of rum, and he could not finish his questioning because Adriana decided to clean out his mouth with her tongue. Just when Sam was enjoying himself, Adriana pushed him off of her. "What now, woman?" Sam asked frustrated.  
  
"Don't you dare give me that tone of voice, sir!" Adriana exclaimed as she unbuttoned his shirt, and began pouring kisses over his chest, and around his bellybutton. Sam began to laugh. Adriana unbuckled his belt, and easily removed his pants. However, before she continued, she asked. "What do you think of Anna Maria?"  
  
Sam started to remove his shirt, and said. "She's friendly, I like her."  
  
"WHAT!?!?!?!?" Adriana exclaimed helping Sam out of his shirt. "She's a manpleaser, Sam, and I don't like her!"  
  
"And then you say you aren't jealous." Sam sighed as he cupped Adriana's chin in his hands. "Look, luv, nothing happened between us. Trust me. I love you."  
  
Adriana wrinkled her nose. "If ye say so." And with that she got under the sheets and the fondling began.  
  
Patrick and Anna's room was a whole nother story. Patrick was completely addicted to Anna's good sex, and couldn't get enough.  
  
Anna ran her hands through Patrick's hair as they ended round one. "That," Anna kissed Patrick's bellybutton, "was," she kissed his chest. "Amazing." She said. Patrick grinned at her apparently ready for round two. "Again, you say?" Anna mocked him.  
  
"Nay, not I." He pointed down south. "Tis he who wants more."  
  
"He just cannot be satisfied now can he?" Anna smiled, and obediently obliged to his request.  
  
On any regular occasion, she would have said no. However, there was something about this man that made her hormones rage. Either she was falling in love, or this Frenchman had the most sex appeal she had ever witnessed. She thought about it, [maybe it's a little of both].  
Back on the deck Jack, Will, Lorilie, and Jenni actually managed to keep their clothes on so they could finally get the ship out of the dock. They hoisted sails, lifted anchors, and set the course to Tortuga. However, just about the horizon was a ship. Not just any ship, it was the Babushka, a Russian ship owned by none other than Mr. Felton and his fiancé Izzabella.  
  
Amanda continued to stare at the handsome blonde man. She had never been the wisest (that had been Jhanille), but she was the prettiest, so she decided to use what she had to get what she wanted...and that was Mr. Felton.  
  
As the crew of the Babushka followed the Otis Spunkmyer, Amanda started to talk to Tom.  
  
"Capn' Felton." Amanda said flirtatiously.  
  
"Call me Tom." He said plainly.  
  
"Tom, how long have you been married?"  
  
"I'm not married, poppet." He said not taking his eyes off of Otis (the boat).  
  
"That's nice." Amanda said as she stepped in front of Tom batting her long eyelashes.  
  
"Luv, I think ye may have something stuck in the old peeping hole." Tom said pushing her aside.  
  
"What?" she said and continued blinking rapidly.  
  
"Have ye anything in ye eyes!" he said louder this time.  
  
"No." Amanda could see that all of her attempts of luring this handsome creature to her bed were in vain, so she made her exit, and began to plot what others ways she could catch him.  
  
While Amanda attempted thinking for the first time, Stephanie and Izzy were fighting.  
  
"Will is better!" Izzy yelled.  
  
"No, Jack is!"  
  
"Will!"  
  
"Jack!"  
  
"Will!"  
  
"Jack!"  
  
Izzy crossed her arms and sized Stephanie. "We'll see. After we kidnap them, we'll see who has the longer wonkle. But I still think its Will..."  
  
"It's Jack!"  
  
"It's Will!"  
  
Jhanille tiptoed out of the room, and closed the door leaving the two childish voices behind her.  
  
That was day one of the long voyage to wherever they were going, and it was going to be a long trip. She sighed as she took out a book and began to read.  
  
In the middle of the night, Anna Maria went into Jack, Will, Lorilie, and Jenni's room. She gently pushed Lorilie out of the bed, and she fell to the ground.  
  
She lie down next to Jack, put a hand on his chest, hugged him tightly. She missed having him around the house, and his ridiculous personality. Although she didn't love him the way she loved Patrick, he was her best friend, they had a brother sister type of relationship.  
  
She needed him to comfort her now because she was confused, and he did give the best advice. She got up reluctantly, and left the room. It wouldn't be good if Lorilie were to wake up and see her in his bed.  
  
She went on deck, and saw a ship following close behind them, and didn't think anything of it.  
  
On the Babushka, Amanda tiptoed into Tom's room, and tied up Izzy then threw her overboard. She stood in the doorway and looked at her love. "Tom Felton." She said. "Tis time to fondle." And with that she jumped on him.  
  
His eyes widened, then he smiled. And they did fondle, and fondle they did till morning!  
  
Glossary  
  
Clootengutter- a word of exclamation, most of the time meaning yay or I'm happy  
  
Philosophus- a word of exclamation meaning cool or great.  
  
Wonkle- another name for the male reproductive organ.  
  
Peeping hole- (1) a hole from which to peep (2) the eye  
  
Manpleaser- see previous chapter glossary 


	6. Meet Yignacio

Ch 6: Meet Yignacio  
  
Yignacio felt a bump and awakened from her slumber. "Hoi Shininny!" She screamed. She had fallen asleep drunk a couple nights back running from the officers. She looked around. Apparently she had been slumbering in a boat of some sort, and was now being awakened by the rough waves. She picked up her rum bottle and walked out to the deck.  
  
The sun was bright and she wondered how long she had been sleeping in that closet. Yignacio blinked and was suddenly surrounded by swords. Her eyes widened as she began to laugh hysterically. She reached for her own blade, and found it was stuck. She pulled with all her might and it didn't budge. "God's toe!" she swore under her breath, as she put her hands in the air to surrender.  
  
"Who are ye?" A handsome looking man asked.  
  
"I, lad, am the great Yignacio!" she replied grandly.  
  
"And what are you so great for?" a Frenchman asked.  
  
"I." She looked towards the horizon in a superman pose. "Am the 7th King of Africa."  
  
"But you're a woman..." someone said.  
  
She scratched her head and squinted. "Well I do believe you are right."  
  
"Why are you here?" Will asked.  
  
"You see, I was being chased by the Commodore and his men again. They say I'm mentally unstable, whatever that should mean, and that I do not belong on the streets." She began mumbling to her self then continued. "I suppose this ship will have to do." She walked around and found a dry corner to lie in, and fell asleep.  
  
The crew just looked at one another speechless, then all at Jack.  
  
"What! You want to let her stay?" Jack asked.  
  
Everyone nodded.  
  
Jack shook his head slowly. "Bloody Hell. What has the world come to? Allowing just about anyone on me ship."  
  
"It's MY ship, and I say she stay. Besides she's funny." Anna Maria stated. "What harm could she do?"  
  
THE BABUSHKA  
  
Amanda awoke next to the man of her dreams, or so she thought. She looked over at him...it was not Tom...it was...a creature...with three strands of hair! It woke up and looked at her and said "Smigel had a goooood night."  
  
Amanda screamed at the top of her lungs, and woke up with a start. "It was only a dream." She began to recompose herself until she noticed three strands of hair laid gently upon the pillow beside her. As if mocking her, the three strands got up and inched away. Amanda blinked, and decided she shouldn't have drunk so much rum.  
  
She got up and left the room, and stayed outside Tom's room with all intentions of going in there and confessing her love, but passed out before she even reached the door.  
  
Jhanille was going crazy listening to the Elizabeth girl, and was just about ready to severely harm her. She began to plot her demise, and then began to laugh chaotically. Then suddenly was struck with an asthma attack and began to choke. She quickly ran to her closet fetched her inhaler, and on the way back fell on top of Elizabeth.  
  
"FOOL!" Elizabeth yells.  
  
Jhanille uses her inhaler. She can do that because she is from the future where they already discovered asthma, so she can do that in the story if she wants. Anyway. She gets off of Amanda and sticks her in the face then steps over her face and heads back to her room, while saying "Who the fool now, fool?" She continues walking then trips and got knocked out on the floor, where she slept the rest of the night.  
  
(See wasn't that a funny chapter? Yea, anyhoi! My sister helped me with this chapter, bless her soul. She FINALLY signed up and is gonna write a story...I hope...her pen name is...DazzlinShorty.... woot woot.... ok peace guys I'm out!)  
  
Me: Time to go Jack, Paris and Nightcrawler. Are ye all present?  
  
Jack: Aye!  
  
Nightcrawler: Ja  
  
Paris: Yes, woman. 


	7. An Unhappy Ending

> (My apologies for the delay, and also for making Adriana look like a perv...cuz she's not...::COUGH COUGH:: No I'm kidding, no more perverted stuff for ye.... so, onto the story! And Amanda this is dedicated to ye because you updated your story unlike everyone else...so they shan't be in the story much.)  
  
Codswallop Ch 7  
  
On the Babushka  
  
Tom awoke the next morning, and yawned. The bed was empty...as usual. Izzy had been ignoring him lately, but he didn't care. That woman was getting on his last bloody nerves. After all, if it weren't for her he wouldn't have to be sailing a crew of common-kissing crazy-eyed wenches behind a pirate ship. He sighed, and stood, then walked to the door. He tried to open the door, but when it opened it hit something, and the something screamed in pain. He poked his head out of the door to see who it was.  
  
Amanda, still hung over, attempted to stand, but failed. She fell back but was caught by Tom. She looked up into his eyes and squinted, then smiled broadly. "I love you." She said to him unable to control the words coming from her lips.  
  
"If ye say so, luv." Tom said carrying her to his bed, and laying her down gently. Immediately Amanda began to snore. Tom smiled at her, as he pulled the covers over her, and made his exit.  
  
On the Otis, Yignacio approached Jack. "Pardon me sir, 'ave ye noticed that ship over there. Its been following us for quite some time now, lad."  
  
"Please refrain from calling me lad, as I am much older than you."  
  
"I disincline to acquiesce your request...means no. So what shall ye be doing about our company?"  
  
Jack sighed. "Let them follow, we'll deal with them when we get to Tortuga, savvy?"  
  
"If ye say so, lad."  
  
"Please call me Jack." He said annoyed.  
  
"Alright, luv, I mean...Jack." She opened her mouth wide when she said Jack. "Sounds like a monkey's name."  
  
Jack rolled his eyes, and left.  
  
In Anna Maria's room, Patrick was alone, so Yignacio pranced right in. "What goes on in here?"  
  
Patrick looked at her and blinked. "Nothing as ye can see."  
  
"Why so glum, chum?" Yignacio asked taking a seat in a wooden chair by the bed.  
  
"It's Anna Maria. Everyone is getting annoyed of her, and so am I. I don't love her."  
  
"She loves you." Yignacio said with a frown.  
  
"Tell me something I don't know." Patrick said with a sigh.  
  
"Lorilie has a knee fetish."  
  
"I didn't mean it like that."  
  
"Sorry, poppet. Disregard that last comment then...but I can help ye with your Anna Maria problem."  
  
"And how is that?" Patrick asked.  
  
"Hmm...I'm not quite sure yet...give me moment." Yignacio went into a corner and began to chew on some paper. She then got up and approached Patrick who now had a confused look on his face.  
  
"I am a psychic, and my 6th sense tells me that she loves you. She will die for you. There ends your problem. The downfall of Anna Maria will be you. So technically you have solved your own problem."  
  
Patrick scratched his head. "If you say so..."  
  
And with that Yignacio left. She also knew when where why and how Anna would die, but decided to let time take its path.  
  
"ALL HANDS ON DECK!" Jack yelled. One by one each member of the crew came, including Yignacio. "We have arrived. Tortuga awaits us."  
  
"What shall we do about the stalking ship?" Yignacio asked drunkenly.  
  
"We shall find out who is on it, and then act accordingly." Jack replied.  
  
"That won't be wise, Jack. I know who is on that ship, and if we get off this ship now, someone will die." She looked at Anna Maria.  
  
"Who is on that ship if I may be so bold as to ask?" Jack questioned.  
  
"Elizabeth."  
  
"And how do you know that?" Will asked terrified.  
  
"Psychic." Yignacio said plainly.  
  
Jack turned to Yignacio. "I see..." He turned to the crew. "Do not listen to what she says. Go! Tortuga awaits ye!"  
  
Everyone left, except Yignacio. "What fools these mortals are." She took her hat, sat in a corner and fell asleep on the ship.  
  
The crew of the Otis headed straight to the Bar called (place name here), followed by the crew of the Babushka.  
  
While in (place name here), Patrick met a lass named Lacey. Anna watched from afar as they talked to one another, and to keep from doing anything irrational she ordered rum.  
  
"Is there anything else you would like, miss?" the bartender asked.  
  
"Nay." She said resting her head on the counter.  
  
From the Babushka crew, all except Amanda and Tom were present. Izzy approached Will, Elizabeth went up to Patrick, Stephanie cut between Lorilie and Jack, and Jhanille sat at the bar next to Anna Maria.  
  
Izzy slapped Will across the face. "Bloody low life. I see you've taken a fancy to low life wench." She said as she looked at Jenilia.  
  
Jenni grew angry and punched Izzy in the face. Izzy stumbled back, shocked that she was hit. "Who are you calling a low life wench, you tramp- trodden harlot?"  
  
Izzy's eyes widened as she withdrew a sword from her waist. "We shall she who's the harlot." Jenni took out her blade and they began to fight.  
  
Noticing the commotion, Patrick looked up, but Elizabeth blocked his view. "The show is this way." Elizabeth said pushing Lacey out of the way.  
  
Enraged, Lacey got into Elizabeth's face, and punched her in the nose. "Don't touch me you whore!" Lacey screamed at Elizabeth watching her nosebleed.  
  
Patrick smiled, but it faded as he saw Elizabeth come after him with an empty rum bottle. Lacey and Patrick ran past Jack, Lorilie, and Stephanie.  
  
Stephanie kicked Lorilie in the knee, and sat in Jacks lap. "Hello, luv." She said to him. He pushed her off, and stood behind Lorilie who was now wielding her sword and prepared for battle.  
  
Stephanie jumped up onto the bar, parrying all of Lorilie's blows. "You're better than you look, woman. Then again you don't look very good either." Lorilie told the girl as she stepped on Anna Maria's fingers.  
  
"DRAT!" Anna yelled.  
  
Jhanille laughed in Anna's face, and began to wheeze.  
  
"SILENCE WHORE!" Anna said pulling out her pistol. Jhanille kicked her hand and it missed and shot Izzy.  
  
"GOOD SHOT!" Jenilia yelled from across the bar.  
  
Adriana and Sam were helping Patrick and Lacey fight off the love stricken Elizabeth. El Teacup and Lennon were fighting random people in the bar who were trying to get in on the fighting.  
  
After a few more moments of fighting, the glasses stopped breaking and the noise ceased.  
  
Lorilie looked around. Stephanie was on the floor unconscious. Jenni, Will, Jack, Lacey, Adriana, Sam, El Teacup, Lennon, Patrick, and Elizabeth were the only ones left standing.  
  
Elizabeth looked from Patrick to Adriana to Sam to Lacey. "Fools!" She spat. "I'll be back!" And with that she took off but fell on her butt because she slipped in some spit. "God's knees!" she screamed. She stood up again and made her way out of (place name here).  
  
Anna Maria approached Patrick and Lacey, who were now kissing. "Patrick?"  
  
He looked up at her. "I'm sorry, Anna. I just...don't love you..."  
  
"...Oh...I love you...goodbye..." Anna stuttered pulling out her pistol. Tears filled her eyes as fled from the bar, and no one followed her. Then they all turned as they heard a gunshot in the distance.  
  
"Jack..." Lorilie said. "Do you think she..."  
  
Before Lorilie finished Jack ran out of the bar, and everyone followed. They all saw Jack leaning over a dead body. "What's done is done." He said grimly. He made his way back to the ship without another word.  
  
Yignacio greeted him. "Hate to say it, but I told ye so. I really did fancy her." She stood touched Jack on the shoulder then walked away. "I'm sorry." She said over her shoulder.  
  
Glossary  
  
Parry: to block; a sword fighting move
> 
> (I'll update later...I hope you like this chapter. Its a change from the normal stuff, but this is what everyone wated...so....yeah....tear...
> 
> Jack: WHY DID U KILL HER!?!
> 
> Yignacio: That's what they wanted.
> 
> Jack: BRING HER BACK!!
> 
> Yignacio: I can't....)


	8. Get over it

Codswallop Ch 8  
  
Everyone onboard was celebrating his or her victory, except Jack whom was still depressed about Anna Maria's death. Before they were married they were good friends, and part of him remembers that better than their marriage. He remembers the countless officers they had impersonated, and the many times they had raided the armory for supplies. He sighed heavily.  
  
"She was a good, lass." Came Yignacio's voice from behind him.  
  
"Aye, she was. I'm sorry I never listened to you. Forgive me." Jack said not taking his eyes off the ocean. He leaned over the railing and just listened to the party going on the deck.  
  
"It isn't fair to blame yourself. It's not your fault." She said standing beside him.  
  
"I don't blame myself. I blame Patrick." Jack said angrily.  
  
"...That's not what I meant." Yignacio said with a sigh. "Maybe, no one is to blame...maybe she was just meant to die at that moment...maybe if she didn't take her own life Elizabeth would have done it anyway."  
  
"Perhaps." Jack said. He looked up to thank Yignacio for talking to him, but found she was gone. "That's one odd woman." He said to himself as he went to join in the festivities.  
  
Everyone was drinking, and having fun. In one corner Yignacio was telling a story to Lorilie, Will, and Jenni. Jack sat next to Lorilie, so he could hear the story as well.  
  
"My cousin, Rafiki, he was a medicine man. He healed many people, and made potions to bring luck and well-being. Until one day a woman approached him, and asked for a charm to bring her love."  
  
By now, El Teacup, Lennon, Patrick, Lacey, Sam, and Adriana had made their way over to hear the tale.  
  
"Rafiki told the girl that love was not meant to be tampered with, but she didn't listen. She nagged him, and nagged him, until one day he lost his bloody mind. And from then on he wore a green goblin outfit, and flew around looking for unsuspecting men to show their doodads."  
  
Everyone blinked and waited for the story to continue.  
  
"That is all." Yignacio said.  
  
"So what was the point of the story?" Patrick asked lost.  
  
"The point is that there is no point." Yignacio replied simply.  
  
"I don't get it." A non-perverted Adriana asked.  
  
"Precisely!" Yignacio grinned from ear to ear, proud of her doing.  
  
One by one people began to leave, until only Jenni, Jack, Adriana, Sam, and Patrick were left listening to Yignacio talk foolishness.  
  
"And then they made me their chef!" Yignacio exclaimed.  
  
"You mean chief..." Jack corrected her.  
  
"Same difference. And so the tribe took me in and raised me with the eldest woman...who just so happened to be a psychic. She passed her skills on to me, and here I am today."  
  
"How did you get here?" Patrick asked.  
  
"Well, First she sent me to be married, and I wasn't having that. So I got off a stop early in Port Royal, and stayed there for a while until I began to get bored. I played my violin for those who would listen, and the authorities didn't seem to like it. And so I carried on and such, told fortunes for a living, and they had a wanted poster up for me, so I decided to hide out in this boat...and here I am today!"  
  
Jack raised an eyebrow. "And how old are you again, luv."  
  
Yignacio looked at Jack wickedly. "Never ask a woman her age." She patted him on the back as if to say good try.  
  
Jack grinned at her. "Come on, luv. Give me a hint."  
  
"No!" she snapped at him. "Why do you care so much?"  
  
"I'm wondering how a woman as young looking as you, can have so much wisdom."  
  
Yignacio snickered. "Guess my age then."  
  
"You couldn't be much older than Lorilie..." Jack said looking at her and smiling. "Hmm...17?" He guessed randomly.  
  
Yignacio frowned. "I'm 22." She smiled. "But thank ye for your honesty." She turned and retired to her closet, where she would sleep until morning.  
  
"Intriguing." Said Patrick.  
  
"I don't get it..." Adriana said.  
  
"It's ok..." Sam said pulling her away, and patting her on the head. They left Jenni, Jack, and Patrick behind.  
  
"She reminds me of Anna Maria." Jenni said.  
  
"Aye, me too." Jack said fondling with his beard.  
  
"Lacey is waiting for me, I shall depart." Patrick stood, and left.  
  
Jenni told Jack good night and retired herself.  
  
Jack sat there alone in the dark still unsure of where to go from here. "I feel a change in the wind." Yignacio said from behind Jack, surprising him.  
  
"Bloody hell...was that necessary?" Jack said annoyed.  
  
"Nay, but I suspect we shall meet up with Elizabeth again soon." Yignacio said.  
  
"Are you certain?" Jack asked.  
  
"Oui!" she said.  
  
"I have a question for you, err...Yignacio." He looked at her strangely.  
  
"Aye?"  
  
"What keeps you here? Why not go, and live your life? Now that we're at Tortuga, why not go? I'm not saying I don't enjoy your company...I was just wondering..."  
  
"There's something about this ship, this crew, this atmosphere. I don't know what it is just yet, but there is definitely something alluring about this pirate vessel."  
  
"So you know?"  
  
"Psychic." She said plainly.  
  
"Ahh...I see. Well I'm off to bed. Good night, milady." Jack walked away leaving Yignacio by herself with a full bottle of rum. She smiled to herself, and began to drink. 


	9. Free Advice

Codswallop Ch 9  
  
The following morning, Jenni woke everyone up extra early to come with her to her bar. She hadn't been there in years, and wanted to see how her friends were doing...after all, she did own the place.  
  
The sober, drunk, and hung over all accompanied her to the bar, except Yignacio...whom again refused to leave boat...heh...ship.  
  
They walked in and Jenni saw so many familiar faces. Will stood to her right, and watched as she greeted people left and right. "Wilbur, How's the wife?" she said to one man. "Hey, Lipshitz, where's Irving?" She made small talk until they reached the back of the bar.  
  
"Since I own the place, I suppose we shall have free drinks all around then, aye?" She said.  
  
"Aye!" Came the voices of the crew and some other strangers.  
  
A couple of hours later, the bar was empty, and Lennon and El Teacup left to go look for Tea and Jarell. They began the search at the local Inn.  
  
"What brings ye to our Inn? Shall ye be needin' a room?" The man at the desk asked the couple while raising his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Lennon smiled, but El Teacup shook her head. "Nay, but have you seen a young couple about? Like us...but younger?"  
  
"Hmm..." He said stroking his beard. "There they be!" He pointed behind them.  
  
Lennon and El Teacup took off after Tea and Jarell. "Stop!" Tea turned and saw El Teacup, and ran.  
  
They chased them for a while until Lennon and El Teacup had them cornered in an alley. "Sister! I've come to get you!" She smiled sweetly.  
  
"Brother, why are you running from me?" Lennon asked.  
  
"We got married." Tea said stepping between Lennon and Jarell.  
  
"Why the bloody hell would you do that?" El Teacup said looking at Lennon. "God's locks!" she swore. If they were married, that meant her and Lennon would not be able to be together. El Teacup smacked Tea in the head.  
  
"What was that for?" she asked rubbing her head.  
  
"For being an idiot. Now lets go!" El Teacup grabbed Tea, and Lennon grabbed Jarell. They dragged them to Jenni's bar, and notified everyone they were leaving, then departed swiftly.  
  
From the ship, Yignacio saw the 4 get onto a small ship, and set sail. She smiled and said one word. "Incest."  
  
She knew they were probably going to some place where they could all be together in peace...she didn't really care, though. She gave up on love long ago, and didn't plan to mess with it again.  
  
Everyone returned to the ship that afternoon very exhausted. They had all celebrated enough to last a lifetime, and soon the ship was filled with sounds of snoring.  
  
Yignacio became bored again, and began to wonder around the ship. She stopped, and whipped out her violin and began to play a song she had written. "Spidah mein, Spidah mein, do whateva spidah Cain!"  
  
Adriana hearing the wonderful melody of the violin strings being plucked rapidly rushed to the music, and began to do a knee spinning face melting dance.  
  
Yignacio stopped and laughed. "I thought everyone was asleep."  
  
"Nay! If everyone were asleep there would be not point to this chapter now would there. Besides, I believe in the last Chapter of Yo Ho I said I wouldn't drink anymore.... Anywho why don't you ever leave this blasted ship?"  
  
"I suppose I don't like land..." Yignacio looked out into the ocean.  
  
"Can I call ye...Yiggy?" Adriana asked randomly.  
  
"Aye...I kind of like it..." She smiled and nodded. "So how are you and Sam doing?"  
  
"Fine." She lied.  
  
"You lie. You cannot lie to a psychic! Tell the truth to Yiggy, and she shall help you in your situation!" Yignacio did a superman pose and grinned broadly.  
  
"We have been flonffing around a lot...and we were supposed to get married, but neither of us wanted to go through with it...and now I don't think we were meant to be together. Yesh we make good friends, but I don't think we should be lovers, savvy?"  
  
Yignacio blinked. "Ehh...I don't deal with love...luv..."  
  
"Why not?" She asked.  
  
"Why does Sam call you Sex Kitten?"  
  
"I donno." She replied embarrassed.  
  
"Ok then." Yignacio said. "I rest my case."  
  
"...I don't get it."  
  
Yignacio smiled. "Worry not...kitten..."she laughed. "Perhaps you and he were not mean to woo. Perhaps you were just meant to be friends."  
  
"Hmm...Why haven't I thought of that?"  
  
Yignacio held her tongue, and simply said. "I donno."  
  
"Shank you for your help, Yiggy!"  
  
"Your very welcome, luv." She said and watched Adriana leave. "That has got to be the most confused individual I have ever gotten the chance to lay my eyes on." She sighed, and continued to pluck her violin strings.  
  
Soon, Yignacio felt a presence behind her. "Hark! Who goeth there?"  
  
Sam came out from the shadows. "You. They say you're the psychic. Can you help me?"  
  
Yignacio sighed. She was tired of helping people now.  
  
"What shall you give me for my help?"  
  
"Anything you want! I'm desperate!" Sam pleaded.  
  
"You wouldn't happen to have any money on you...would you?" Yignacio looked hopeful.  
  
"No."  
  
"Rum?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok...let's see what we have to work with. Stand up, lad." She ordered.  
  
Sam obliged.  
  
"Turn."  
  
He did.  
  
"Ok...if you want me to help you, you have to do two things for me." Yignacio smiled. "You have to show me your bellybutton, and you have to let me touch your knee's."  
  
Sam scratched his head confused. "Ok, I suppose." He lifted his shirt and showed Yignacio his bellybutton. She smiled, and offered him a cardboard box to sit upon. He sat.  
  
"Now lets see those knees!" Sam removed his boots, and pulled up his pant legs, and showed off his knees, and Yignacio got the chills. "They're beautiful!" She touched them, and recomposed herself. "Alright, what shall you be needing from the Yigster?"  
  
"It's Adriana." He said as he pulled his boots back on. "She seems like she doesn't want to be with me anymore."  
  
"Sam, do you like Adriana better as a friend or lover?"  
  
"A friend I suppose...but I never really thought about it."  
  
"Oh lord, they're both idiots." Yignacio said under her breath. "Well, tell her how you feel, and she'll understand."  
  
"So we'll be good friends forever then, right?" Sam asked before leaving.  
  
"Of course!" she lied. She watched Sam leave and resumed her violin playing. 


	10. Kidnapped

Codswallop Ch 10  
  
Sam walked to his room with confidence. "Adriana!" he said loudly as he swung the door open. His eyes widened when he saw Adriana hoisting Patrick's sail. So far, the flag was waving at half post, and Patrick covered himself.  
  
Adriana lifted her head and looked at Sam. "Yignacio told me we could just be friends."  
  
Sam began to laugh. "I always expected this to happen." He said. "What about Lacey?" he faced Patrick.  
  
"Well...she cannot satisfy my thirst...if you catch my drift." Patrick said. "And plus she's asleep."  
  
"Well, don't let me interrupt you! By all means continue." Sam closed the door behind him, and for some reason the thought of Adriana with someone else didn't bother him as much as he thought it would.  
  
Jack, and Farquar were arguing again, while Will, and Lorilie slept.  
  
"Listen, I'm not saying that you're a manpleaser...all I'm saying is you have a tendency to change your mind frequently. I just don't want Will to get hurt."  
  
"What makes you think I'm going to hurt him? I like him a lot! I know he's you're best friend, so I wouldn't do anything to break his heart!"  
  
"I remember you saying the same bloody thing when you were with Tom."  
  
"Tom bloody cheated on me with Izzy!" she yelled.  
  
"How do I know you won't pull a Tom on Will?" Jack asked loudly.  
  
"Listen, I would never dream of cheating on Will. He's a nice boy, he can handle himself."  
  
"Just...don't do anything...stupid, Farquar." He said.  
  
"Me? Do something stupid? You're the one breaking this bloody lasses heart telling her you love her. Lorilie really loves you! Stop toying with her, Jack."  
  
Jack's eye's widened. "You don't know what you're saying! I do love Lorilie, more than you or anyone will ever know! So don't talk to me about love! You've never even been in love!"  
  
"That's...not true..." She stuttered.  
  
"Who did you love? Not just like a lot, but love? Speak, Farquar! Tell me!"  
  
Crickets chirp  
  
"I rest my case! You, Farquar, know nothing of love!"  
  
"I may not know much of love, Jack, but I know I won't hurt Will. I swear...just...trust me."  
  
"So you say." Jack sighed and waved his arms in the air, and left the room.  
  
He waltzed down to Yignacio's closet, and knocked on the door. She opened the door frowned at Jack. "You summoned me master?" she said sleepily.  
  
"Aye! It seems I need your assistance...again." He said.  
  
"What do I get out of it?" she yawned.  
  
Jack lifted his shirt and flashed his bellybutton to Yignacio.  
  
"Well then!" She said suddenly awakened. "What is it you'd like to know?"  
  
"About Will, and Jenni..." He stared,  
  
"I don't do love, luv." She interrupted.  
  
"You did it for Sam and Adriana...please..." Jack pleaded, showing his bellybutton again.  
  
"Alright. I believe I shall help you then. Listen carefully, for I shall not be repeating myself."  
  
"Aye." Jack waited patiently.  
  
"Your sister...Farquar, I believe. Her relationship with William may be rocky at the moment. Hearts will be broken, but in the end she will realize true love." Yignacio closed her closet door, and heard Jack walk away saying "I knew she was going to break his heart...I knew it all a bloody long!"  
  
"Fool." Yignacio said to herself. "I didn't say it was his heart that would be broken." She sighed, and went back to sleep.  
  
"Yignacio!" Sam yelled while knocking on her door. He opened the door, and the closet was empty. He searched the ship up and down, but the only things left behind were her clothes and a note. He picked up and unfolded the note and read it.  
  
To whom it may concern,  
  
I have taken my Yignacio back. Sorry for her inconvenience, but she won't be bothering you anymore. You see, she was supposed to marry me, but somehow we never got together. Now that I have found her we shall be wed immediately. You can come to the wedding if you wish...but have a nice day.  
  
Henry, The evil all-powerful psychic  
  
"Yignacio's been kidnapped!" Sam yelled drawing the attention of the entire ship.  
  
Jack snatched the note from him and read it. "It says she's gone to be married...not kidnapped."  
  
"Aye, but read between the lines, Jack! Clearly she didn't go out of her own free will. Her clothes are still in the closet, and there's drops of blood on the floor, so she must put up a fight." Sam said intelligently.  
  
"Oui! I believe you're right, Sam. I clearly remember her saying something about how they wanted her to get married against her will. We must go and save her!" Patrick exclaimed.  
  
"Aye! They cannot take our Yiggy from us without a fight!" Adriana yelled. "What say you?"  
  
Random "Aye!" exclamations came from every corner of the ship.  
  
"Good job!" Jenni said, grabbing her sword. "Let's get going!"  
  
Everyone got ready, and Sam went to Yignacio's closet to see if there were any more clues that could lead him to Yiggy's whereabouts. He picked up her clothes. Her pants, her shirt, her belt, and her boots lay in a neat pile in his hands. He put them aside when he saw footprints of mud.  
  
Jack saw them too, and notified the crew. "This way, men! Ehh...and women." The crew followed the footprints to a small towed-up wedding chapel. "After you, Will." Jack hesitated.  
  
Will rolled his eyes, and kicked open the ugly wooden doors.  
  
Everyone gasped in horror at what they saw.  
  
"Oh no!" Someone said.  
  
"They have Yiggy tied up and gagged!" Adriana exclaimed.  
  
"She's...wearing...A DRESS!" Sam, Jack, and Patrick said in unison while smiling. They all began to stare. Her hair was groomed and wasn't in her face. She actually looked...feminine.  
  
Yignacio blushed, and struggled to get out of the rope they had tied her up in. "Help would be nice," she said.  
  
The men recomposed themselves, and approached her, when a man jumped between them and Yignacio. "Who are ye? I don't recall inviting any pirates to me wedding."  
  
Jack sighed, tired of being referred to as a pirate. "I'm Jack, and this be my crew. We're here to save our friend from the likes of you."  
  
"Aye...and don't marry her either." Sam added with a nod.  
  
"You don't know who you're messing with do you?" The man said cockily.  
  
"Your name is Henry." Sam said.  
  
"I'm the only all powerful evil psychic around here! I'll be doing all the telling of information, got it?" he said.  
  
"And you're an evil all powerful psychic who wants to marry Yignacio!" Sam said strongly.  
  
Henry trembled. "How did you know that I wanted to marry Yignacio to make her have my children so that they will be the most powerful psychics in the world?"  
  
"I just did." Sam lied.  
  
Henry gasped. "No! Then it means...YOU are the most powerful psychic in the world! I surrender to you, oh powerful one! You must be the one to impregnate Yignacio."  
  
Yignacio began to laugh hysterically.  
  
"Quiet insolent woman!" Henry yelled at her. "This shall be your new husband." He turned and bowed to Sam. "I wish you the best of luck, mate. She can be awfully difficult." And with that Henry left the church with his evil cape-flapping close behind him.  
  
Sam untied Yignacio as everyone pointed and laughed at the idiotic man with the cape.  
  
"Are you alright? Where are you bleeding?" Sam asked.  
  
"Me? Hah! I thought you thought more of me than that, Sam, my boy. The blood you saw wasn't mine." She grinned wickedly. After she was untied, she searched for her clothes. "Where's my bloody clothes...and my effects!" she yelled.  
  
"On the ship." Jack said leaving the church.  
  
"To the ship then!" Yignacio said leading the way.  
  
"Wait!" Patrick said, grabbing her arm.  
  
"Aye?" she said looking back.  
  
"You look good in a dress."  
  
"I'm sure you would too." She winked at Patrick and slapped him on the back.  
  
While making their way back to the dock where the ship was, Yignacio stopped and everyone stopped behind her. She began to run. "Elizabeth!" She exclaimed as she hurried onboard. Just as she had predicted, Elizabeth was there waiting for them to return. She was holding Yignacio's effects with a smug grin on her face.  
  
"My effects woman..." Yignacio extended her arms to grab her things. "I can't wait to take off this bloody corset."  
  
Elizabeth slapped her hands, and shook her head. "I don't know you, but I don't like your tone."  
  
"How dare you challenge the great Yignacio!" she screamed and rushed Elizabeth.  
  
"What are you going to do? You're unarmed and in a dress, imbecile." Elizabeth spat.  
  
"I know who you are!" Yignacio said loudly with a smile. She removed a bottle of some queer glowing liquid and sprinkled it upon Elizabeth, and she fainted.  
  
Everyone rushed around to see how Yignacio had beaten Elizabeth so easily. "Stand back." Yiggy said, pulling out a knife and cutting open Elizabeth's dress. "You see this?" She asked the crew.  
  
"Ehh...that would be Elizabeth's bellybutton." Will announced proudly.  
  
"Aye!" said Yignacio. "Now watch this." She waved her hand over the bellybutton and chanted some African chant, and out popped a gold medallion with a spider on it. As the gold popped out Elizabeth began to shrivel up like a prune.  
  
"Behold!" Yignacio said holding up the coin.  
  
Everyone looked confused.  
  
"Do you know what this is?!?!?!?!?!?" She exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"Nay!" They all answered at the same time.  
  
"...O...well that's great...neither do I." Yignacio said as she tossed the coin aside, picked up her clothes, and swiftly made her way to the closet. She returned momentarily dressed as she was before, but her hair was still neat. She placed the dress into Patrick's hands and whispered something in his ear.  
  
"NO!" he yelled.  
  
"So I thought." Yignacio said. She turned to the crew. "Thank you all for rescuing me...although I'm certain I could have done it on my own. But, thank you none the less." She bowed, and departed.  
  
"Wait a minute!" Sam said stopping her.  
  
She turned. "Yes?"  
  
"So...I don't get to marry you?" Sam frowned.  
  
Yignacio shook her head. "I don't do marriage, luv." She kissed Sam. "Thank you though...for rescuing me and stuff." She entered her closet and shut the door.  
  
Sam walked away half heartbroken and half satisfied.  
  
Back in Patrick's room, a confused and jealous Lacey was nagging Patrick. "Tell me!" she yelled.  
  
"It's none of your business." He plainly stated.  
  
"Tell me what she said to you!"  
  
"Listen, it's nothing important. Besides, it's a bit embarrassing." He began to blush.  
  
Lacey's eyes widened. "Patrick tell me right now or I'm leaving you!"  
  
"Fine." Patrick sighed. "She wanted to know if I would try on the dress for her."  
  
Lacey began laughing uncontrollably at Patrick, who was still blushing. "Are you serious?" she asked between laughs.  
  
Patrick sighed. "I hope you're happy now." He said angrily leaving the room. Even after he left he could still hear her laughing behind him. 


	11. Meet Billy

(This ish for ye Jenni! 3 )

Codswallop Ch 11

The crew had returned to the ship, and had decided, as usual, to celebrate by having a rum party. Yignacio would be doing the meal preparations, and arranging for the musical entertainment.

Jack and Will were arguing again, while Farqu…I mean Jenni and Lorilie were checking out the Spanish band that Yiggy had gotten to entertain. They went by the name of Dia Verde.

"Why not Orange Day?" Lorilie asked the vocalist.

"…Orange, madam?" He raised an eyebrow. He had dark charcoal around his eyes like Jack did, except his eyes were not brown.

"Aye…Orange." Lorilie nodded firmly, her curls tossing about. "Orange used to be my favorite color."

"No it wasn't…" Jenni interrupted. "You said your favorite color was Pink…I remember clearly…"

Lorilie's eyes widened, as she looked from the singer to her friend. "Shh…Well green be my favorite color now…"

"That is nice to hear miss…" The singer nodded.

"So what is your name, kind sir?" Farquar questioned politely.

"Well…My birth name is William…but you may call me Bill."

"How about Billy?" Jenni asked remembering that was Will's father's name.

"Or Prudence!" Lorilie exclaimed ruining the moment.

Both Billy and Jenni looked upon her with curiosity. "You are one strange egg." They both said in unison.

"Did I hear eggs?" Adriana skipped over to the congregating crowd.

"Green eggs and ham, madam?" Billy extended his hand.

Adriana shook his hand. "I detest ham…and the color green."

Jenni elbowed her in the ribs. "She kids Billy, look how she kids…" Jenni began to chuckle wantonly.

Adriana grimaced. "Pain…"

Billy quickly stepped to her side wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Are you alright, madam?"

Adriana nodded holding the offended rib. "I shall be alright…"

Jenni rolled her eyes. "Yes, she shall indeed." She mused sarcastically.

"Unhand her immediately!" Sam shouted separating the two, only injuring Adriana more. He pushed Adriana away and unsheathed his sword. "Run woman!"

Adriana fell over, and Jenni snickered.

"What are you doing Samuel? Have you lost your mind?" Lorilie questioned holding back laughter.

"I am…saving a damsel, miss. One to seems to be in distress…"

"Well she is now…" Lorilie laughed looking upon the fallen Adriana.

"…" Sam tool a while to make sense of the situation. A long while…after a few moments Sam spoke. "…I don't get it."

Adriana heard this and swooped her leg under Sam's feet, causing him to drop to the ground with her. "That is my saying…"

Sam's jaw dropped. "You are terrible…" he spat, brushing himself off then running off into the distance.

"What did you see in him, Adriana?" Lorilie shook her head slowly.

"Hey, I could say the same about Jack." Adriana rebuttled.

"You could, but you won't." She threatened raising and shaking her fist in the air.

"You have a cold heart…" Adriana pouted rubbing her injured side. As she did so, Billy came to her rescue.

"Do you need any medical assistance madam?"

"Oh indeed!" She jumped up and pulled the musician away into her quarters.

"That woman just walked away with our entertainment…" Yignacio spoke as she emerged from the kitchen with soiled hands. "Well, anyhonkle, let the party commence!."

Everyone was silent.

Yignacio sighed and took out a few bottles of rum, handing them out.

The crew cheered.

Jack came out and sniffed the air. "I smell rum."

"…and I smell pirate, but you don't see me announcing it to the world…" Yiggy spoke to herself.

"I heard that." Jack stated.

"I know."

"Good."

"…" Yiggy went back into the kitchen silently.

"You should mind her Jack, after all she is a psychic." Lorilie said clinging to her lover.

"Psychic my fanny."

"You have a nice fanny." Lorilie smiled.

"Yes, I know." Jack smiled taking a swing at his rum.

Meanwhile in the bowels of the ship something mysterious was happening…so mysterious nobody even knew it was happening…dramatic music.

"I am Will's father reincarnated!" Billy told Adriana.

"…I don't get it…"

The man sighed. "Forget it, and lets fondle."

(That be it for now... 3 R&R)


End file.
